There is one thing that I have realised over time, I’m really bad at dating. Well, not all that bad when it just starts but pretty pathetic when I realise it isn’t what I want.
Today, the word ‘date’ can send shivers up my spine in less than fraction of a second; something that even the top most horror movies haven’t been able to do. Yes, the biggest horror story on a day to day basis is dating.
This is entirely my view, yours could be totally different.
I’m a considerably inquisitive person and there is one question that has been haunting me for years – how do people manage dating someone they are probably not in love with? Or don’t love all that much? Or for that matter, don’t see their future with?
If I’m not wrong (which I could be), wasn’t the idea of dating much in sync with finding ‘the one’ and a courtship right before the final thing of spending lives together? The forever and ever and ever story?
I don’t say it is bad to have someone in your life; in fact, it is great! No one really minds that extra love and attention for a while when things are just too monotonous. Those 5 minute calls more than thrice a day, about dozen messages on different applications – everything seems so surreal when you have someone.
But what is the point of having someone who isn’t right for you in your life? I know a few people (I have been in the list too) who have dated people they don’t really want but are temporarily fascinated with. They lie to themselves everyday trying to feel good about those short lived moments with their partners. There are so many couples out there who would present their relationship as the best in the world and never ever admit that it is hopeless and a huge waste of time.
But how would you know if you are with the right person or not?
Your answer: Dating.
My answer: Hanging out.
And yes, there is a huge difference between the two. Dating is in a way putting the tag of a relationship on the bond you have with your partner; on the other hand, hanging out is spending time with the person you find interesting to gauge if he/ she is the one for you. Knowing a person beyond the honeymoon span of a relationship is the thing that many skip, but shouldn’t because it lets you know who that person is in actual.
In short, I think dating someone you realise isn’t right for you is sheer waste of time. Yes, it is going to be really nice to get those hourly calls for a few weeks and have a shoulder to cry on when things aren’t right.
But let’s be honest here, having the wrong person in your life isn’t going to add to your list of cherishable moments, all it is going to do is take away the few that you already have.
Maybe I have had that ‘person’ in my life once and been through so much of hell that I lost count of all the happy moments we had or maybe, I am just not made for all this. I don’t have the patience to put up with someone I don’t like just because I am dating them. I don’t like pretending spending a considerable amount of time from my routine with them, when I’d rather secretly want to spend it with my friends and family, or maybe even alone!
The thing is, I really don’t like wasting my time and I’m pretty sure no one else would do too on a person like me. It is just plain and simple, fair.
Dating might make you happy, but it might make you sad too. All I’m trying to say is, when you come back home from a long day of tiring work, you want to be happy. You want to be at peace with yourself.
You date the wrong person,
All you do is..
Question yourself every morning when he/she calls if you want them to call the next day,
To quit or not without causing dismay.
Think of excuses to avoid spending time with them,
Just because mushy was part of the deal when you started back then.
Stress over all the fights,
Ending up with bad bites.
You long for time alone,
Because all that pretending has got you blown.
I am anti-dating,
Because I prefer waiting.
I like hanging out
It helps me figure you out.
I don’t want to spend time with someone irritating,
Just because we are dating.
I don’t want to pretend,
Because I know it will end.
Here’s a post I recently read that nudged me to write this today (on Valentine’s): What It Feels Like To Date Someone You Know You’re Not Going To Marry. You might want to give it a read, it is brilliantly framed and truly written from the heart.
On a lighter note, Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!
Hope you have found ‘the one’.